TORONTO CITES ABISSMAL RECORD AGAINST ALLEGATIONS OF SIGN STEALING

Over the years, the Toronto Blue Jay's have been accused of being many things:  Yankee whipping boys, AL east's minor league team (along with Baltimore), an unworthy franchise (again, along with Baltimore), and quite simply just an overall punchline for most Canadians.  At least the ones that count, anyway.  And yes, I'm excluding the French.  But never has the lone major league team north of the border been accused of cheating.


Bautista (above), sometimes
wonders why everybody
doesn't just get the pitches

 told to them beforehand.

According to opposing bullpen pitchers who spend most of their time looking in the stands for "good-lookin' tail", they have recently alleged the organization of placing spies in the outfield bleachers to inform their batters about upcoming pitches.  The 4th place team isn't taking the accusations cordially, either. 
"Have you seen our record?!"  Team spokesman, Danny Kumping aggressively tells a locker room full of reporters.  "Have you even seen us play?  I mean really, whose stealing signs for us, Ray Charles?"  Before anyone had a chance to inform him of the musicians cardiac status, he blurted out, "This is ridiculous, we've got Jose Bautista and buncha guys I couldn't even tell you the names of."  Mr. Kumping also pointed to the ease in which someone could be spotted in a desolate, fan-less section.  "We're not exactly packin' 'em in here guys.  Hell, we're barely payin' our bills.  I mean Christ, we're like the Dodgers of the American league!"  He quickly got back off that tangent before unintentionally opening up a line of undesirable questions.  "My point is, is that it wouldn't take someone with 20/20 to spot somethin' strange going on up there."

Having to host Oakland one more time before the weekend, it's not going to take someone with 20/20 to spot anything going on up there.