NASCAR HOPEFUL MALE CATFIGHT LEADS TO BETTER RATINGS

The NASCAR Nationwide series found itself in Montreal this weekend, but the obvious question of 'Do French-Canadians even give a shit about stock car racing?' never wound up being a topic of conversation.  No, in fact it was a post-race incident between Steve Wallace and crew chief Jerry Baxter that has NASCAR officials pondering a way to cash in. 
In a move that put one back-of-the-pack driver even further in a hole, Wallace went three wide in an attempt to pass Patrick Carpentier.  Needless to say the move didn't pay off, and Carpentier finished his day similarly to how the Dow finished it's week.

After a 4th place finish, young Wallace was coasting down pit row when Baxter, Carpentier's crew chief, reached in the #66 car's cockpit and grabbed a fistful of sweaty blond hair.  In a scene that seemed to be straight out of a Don King promoted fight weigh-in, the two grown men were caught on camera doing what most enjoy watching two women do naked. 

Punishment wasn't swift to be handed out though.  In fact, the opposite is taking place.

"We need to find a way to have this sorta thing happen after every race."  Nationwide series spokesman, Chuck Floggens requests.  "I mean, we just had Rusty Wallace's son get his hair pulled.  I only wish it would've escalated to spitting on one another."

Suggestions of WWE-like pre-race incidents have been made, but the choice of ad libbed or scripted altercations have not yet been decided.  One thing is certain.  Danica Patrick joins the Nationwide circuit full-time next year, which has many sponsors licking their chops.

"Normally we wouldn't be caught dead having our name affiliated with such events," CEO of Bigelow Tea, Chester Kensington remarks, "but now, we can't wait for the opportunity.  Think about it.  Not everybody wants to see her [Danica Patrick] naked, some just wanna see her get her ass kicked!"