FOLLOWING MULTIPLY SHOOTINGS, NFL WORRIED FANS TAKING PRESEASON TOO SERIOUSLY

Don't worry NFL, the 4 month lockout that took place during the off-season hasn't deterred some fans interest from the yawn-filled exhibition games.  The Raiders and 49ers played to an uneventful 17-3 final.  After the meaningless game between the bay area rivals however, two people found themselves getting shot in the parking lot.  Initially, league officials were puzzled by the reaction to games that don't matter, but eventually boasted at the notion of football that doesn't count is still better than baseball that does.


With the area secure, authorities discuss
the absurdity of paying $9 for a Coors Lt.

"Whatever it was over, I can't imagine that argument leading to gunfire," NFL security spokesman, Bradley Spuge explains, "but I also can't believe someone would pay full ticket price to see a glorified three hour scimmage, either."  Before leaving, Mr. Spuge added, "I guess even in this city, fans would rather risk getting shot than go watch the team that won the World Series play."
It was only a few months ago that the NFL was negotiating the possibility of dropping two of its miserably flawed preseason games.  A notion that seems unthinkable now after the target practice that took place in San Francisco.
"What the fuck were we thinkin'?"  Roger Goodell's assistant, Sheila Fondlen asks.  "Maybe next year we can see if the players union would agree to adding a couple more of these things."  Ms. Fondlen sees no harm in the proposition, further stating, "Think about it.  Players that are gonna be cut anyway could get significant more playing time."No one knows for sure what the NFL can do to lose its popularity.  Many feel that if near-death experiences can't do it, then ratings for the most lucrative sport in the nation aren't going anywhere.  That is until some team hires the first female coach.