TIGER UNSURE WHY FANS STILL FEEL HIS RELEVANCE



Woods ignores fans, wishing they
 would just go follow the 'micks'.



It's beginning to sound like a broken record; Tiger falls way behind at a tournament, spends the next day trying to make up ground just to dig himself a deeper hole, continues to attract more people to his already inflated gallery, just to witness a possible missed cut.  Except now, Woods' is starting to ask what the hell for.

"Beats the hell outta me," Tiger responds to an inquiry about his much-noticed course appeal.  "These people would rather watch me play like shit, then go see Steve Stricker shoot fourteen strokes better than me?  How the hell am I not 'sposed to have a massive ego?"

Tiger finished his opening round with a dreadful 77 (+7), a complete opposite of the 63 (-7) that Stricker totalled.  None of this comes as a shock to Woods however, who according to him, is the only one who can't understand why.  "I actually feel bad for my caddy out there, but at least he's getting paid to watch me suck.  I don't know what's wrong with these other people."The real losers in all of this is CBS.  They shell out quite a bit for the rights to air weekend coverage of the years final major, and they do so under the assumption that Tiger's presence won't be jeopardized.  Either by himself, or a steroid-induced injury.

"Look, we don't know why people watch him," Charlie Diklipz, spokesperson for CBS Sports laments, "all we know is, is that people could give a shit about watchin' anyone else."

The 14-time major winner is well aware of all this, saying, "If I win they follow, if I lose they follow more.  Maybe I jus' have to start intentionally aiming at these idiots."