ADMINISTRATION AT "THE U" NOT SURPRISED WITH RECENT ALLEGATIONS, WONDERS WHY PUBLIC IS

The University of Miami athletic department is no stranger to surrounding themselves with criminal behaviour.  So for the life of them, they can't understand why a story about an ex-booster giving all sorts of improper benefits to some current but mostly former players, has any legs in the news at all.
"Our track record speaks for itself."  Spokeswoman for the AD, Anita Biggums begins, "You guys are actin' like this is something new.  Need I remind you all about this program in '80s?"  Indeed the 'canes have had more run-ins with the law than retired NBA players, and any renaissance period they felt they went through was either short-lived or a collective figment of imaginations all together.  But fans and alumni are rather critical as to why the lack of hardware during this period of infractions.

Please come to Miami.
Oh God, yes, yes, yes!

"God, if you're gonna cheat, make it worth your while," 1990 graduate Marcos Reamen vents.  "At least when I went to school, we were winning.  Now, I guess we reward mediocrity with prostitutes."

This sentiment is echoed all over the Coral Gables campus, but what has most in the Sunshine State scratching their heads over, is the fact that some of this money went to help recruit for an unrecognized basketball program.  

"Who gives a shit about basketball!?"  Ft. Lauderdale resident and life-long Hurricanes supporter Gary Pickling shouts.  "We play in the ACC.  For football it's great, everybody else sucks.  But we have to play those same teams for basketball, too."  Indeed, the Miami conference schedule for basketball is brutal, which is probably what prompted Mr. Pickling to end with, "Maybe if the recruiters woulda waited on gettin' them the whores til after the season, then they mighta seen they weren't deserving of anything, let alone the ass."