GEORGETOWN GIVES POLITICIANS SOMEONE TO BLAME FOR CHINA FALLOUT

The US State Department did a collective shitting of the pants today when hearing about the brawl that the Georgetown University men's basketball team got into with a professional team from China.  Attempts to beg the US Embassy to kiss as much ass as possible fell short when the first dozen phone calls were unable to get through to the Ambassador's office.  

Come on guys.  You're mad
at our government, not us.

"With so much financial unrest around the globe right now," State Department spokesman Jacob Smiggens starts, "the last thing we need to be doin' is pissin' the Chinese off."  Mr. Smiggens also pointed to a sub-par day in the markets.  "The Dow closed over 400 down today.  We don't need this shit."

Many in the government also feel that tensions could get worse if China is made aware of the proximity to the Georgetown campus and Capital Hill.  Others feel that the US is in the clear no matter what, pointing to the tremendous ass beating the Hoya's took.
"I think we should be okay."  Spokeswoman for Homeland Security, Geena Swallows says.  "Any video I've seen, our boys were gettin' the shit beat out of 'em." 
Some have even suggested that the basketball team was rather diplomatic.  They could be right.  Who knows what kind of boost this melee can give to the self-esteem of an entire nation. 
Even still, some in Washington are trying to stay on the Red's good side, playing politics in midst of the incident.  Congressman Billy Tom Buford from Mississippi seeks the Chinese governments forgiveness stating, "It's not jus' you guys.  Black people act like that here, too."