LEBRON JAMES' MOTHER MANAGES TO AVOID MUCH NEEDED JAIL TIME

Leaving court, Gloria James
wonders where the fuck her ride is

Lawyers for Gloria James have some how cut a deal with Dade County prosecutors that will keep the 44-year-old out of jail, for now.  The mother of Miami Heat star Lebron James was facing 90 days in a women's detention center and two years probation for public intoxication and battering a valet last April.  Instead, she received a sentence of community service and will be forced to donate $1000 to the Haiti Relief Fund, which, ironically is the same amount she spends on alcohol every week.
Miss James is no stranger to inebriated run-ins with law enforcement.  In 2006, she was arrested in Ohio for drunken driving after resisting a breathalyzer.  According to reports, police in Akron only classified it as resisting after she vomited on the contraption leaving it covered with an "ungodly odor".
The most recent incident had Lebron's mom slapping a hotel employee because the "inconsiderate bastard" had the nerve to take almost 2 minutes retrieving her car.  Unfortunately for Lebron, with the whole thing being caught on surveillance video, the public found out that his mom tips people in the service industry just as much as he does.